occular confection

 mostly i want to punch the selby in the throat..

but sometimes shit on there makes me smile.

would i want to live in this place?

no, but i want to be invited.

 

home of herve pierre- creative director for carolina herrera.

i know...that lavender settee and orange hermes box parade made me pee a little too.

 

i love mostly the fact that this opulent looking bed is accompanied by basically...nothing.

if this were your gran's house a whole lot of tchoch would be present.

somehow the sparseness makes it modern...like an art installation. word.

 

are you kidding me with that drawer of chocolate?

i would destroy this refrigerator.

 

giant expensive perfume bottles and little chair with toilet paper tantamount to chocolate drawer..

 

you see them don't you?

the little black gloved hands holding back those pink silk drapes?

creepy delights.

 

this shit is cardboard...

CARDBOARD!!!!!!!!!!!

in my wildest dreams people...

if you want to shart some more go here

more bathroom inspiration for you to poop over..

while just about every room in my house (ok every room in my house) needs major work i am super stuck on bathrooms.

and yes dear lovers i will take some before pics of the black bathroom with throw up tiles.

in the mean time feast your eyes on these lovelies...

stoopid.

gross.

horrendous.

nast.

wrong.

ugly.

hideous.

images via the selby, google image search

i will be getting my paint on this weekend...and it's gonna suck a dizzle....

hey there butterbutts.

my bathroom is black and i hate it.

MOSTLY bc its a crappy paint job done by me.

but also bc it has been black for 2 years. (ahead of the curve people..ahead of the curve)

i am going to be painting it this weekend.

behr's ultra pure white which looks like this:

the reason it will eat a dick is bc the ceilings in my bathroom are super high requiring a manly workman's type ladder. there are also skylights involved. and weird angles.

i am enlisting mike for help with the big painting parts...like the walls.

while i do the "cutting". that's painters talk for painting the edges.

pretty white bathrooms herewith:

if only the floor looked like this:

it doesn't.  it looks like throw up.

sadly the sink unit is not pretty either.

but i am thinking of painting it black...

like this maybe?

pretty cool don'tcha think?

and..

i got this from ikea that i intend to use in place of the horrible ass faced light over the door.

it was 11 dollars.

i am going to paint the base matte black and hang it upside down please and thank you.

we are excited about this bathroom makeover, yes?

do you have any thoughts on sink cabinet painting?

any good advice or articles you want to throw my way?

a cake you want to send me?

first image via the brick house

also images from elle decor, living etc, decor pad, house beautiful

round up of images that are speaking to me today...some of them in tongues. that's weird isn't it?

 this room makes my toilet parts feel funny...

 

vignette-y..

 

 

i LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE....

 

 

rugness...

 

 

saturated pastels with wood and gold...

 

 

you know i love me some drapey...

 

nate berkusness...

 

 

creaminess...

google has a new image search thingy..

all the images present themselves like a cat in heat...

all butt up in your face.

design turd episode 5: the final nural

nina goes home.

we saw this coming though didn't we?

you can't make snail trails and paint pink boxes meant to be "conceptualized" as orchids and expect to go far in a design competition right?

she offered up zero design.

unless you consider painting projects, design.

i don't.

i consider them painting projects.

so good fucking riddance then, right?

and we are watching this show for the design element, right?

not bc we want her around for the drama she creates..or should i say the producers are creating..

not me.

i want a bunch of fucking talented folks to take spaces and transform them into something interesting and/or beautiful.

with furniture and fabric, paint and architectural accents, accessories and lighting.

i want to see talented, creative people use their skills to make a shell of a room into something amazing.

that's all.

i see bloggers do it all the time.

FUCK YOU FUCKING HGTV!

 

so i will attempt to BLOG. THIS. DREARY. FUCKING. BULLLLLLLSHIIIITTTT!!!!!!!

here's your winning design "element"....

casey painted a fireman.

which i actually like as an art piece in a firestation.

but overall the wining space sucked my butthole just as much as the losing space..

FUCKING LOOK AT IT GODDDAMN IT!!!!!! :

that sky line mural is alex's.

WHAT GODFORSAKEN DESIGN SCHOOL IS TEACHING PEOPLE THAT MURALS ARE AWESOME???

BURN THAT PLACE DOWN IMMEDIATELY!

oh, should i have backed up and told you what this challenge was about?

ok...sorry.

2 teams:

red team:

tom, nina, courtland, stacey and your mom

blue team:

emily, michael, casey, alex and your dick

give 2 fire station's a room to decompress and chill in.

that should also serve as a place for powerpoint presentation or something.

 

i can tell you next what happens is these turds fucking start building shit out of cheap supplies and it's all fucking sad clown bullshit.

emily builds a table (again, this is the winning room).

she also tells us that she doesn't build tables she buys them and that she is worried that this is going to look like a kindergarten art project...

guess what emily..

IT LOOKS LIKE A KINDERGARTEN ART PROJECT!!!!

DID SOMEONE HAVE A GUN TO YOUR HEAD AND TELL YOU TO MAKE A FUCKING STUPID, CONTRIVED TABLE???

IF I WERE ONE OF THOSE JUDGES I WOULD HAVE RIPPED THAT SHIT OFF THE FLOOR AND TOSSED IT INTO THE GODDAMN FIRE SIMULATOR!!!!!!!

and now on to the losing room..

what you are about to see made vern go from mad...

to crazy mad gaysian...

here it is...

the losing space:

stacey carved out a number 5 and spray painted a piece of mdf gold and mounted it.

this friends was the judges favorite part!!!

the FUCKING NUMBER 5!!!?????

on a FUCKING PLAQUE!!???????!!!!!!

also nina was responsible for the fucking repellent furniture and the braile nural...

which she said was a functioning corkboard and also some shit about hidden messages and the fireman's motto or creed or SOME SUCH FUCKING CRAZY CLAPTRAP!

and courtland who is probably the biggest douche on this entire show..

gave us a 70's porn rape basement..

do any of these fucking blockheads have any style?

would miles redd make a fucking braille corkboard in a firestation lounge?

what would the novogratz's do?

remember what they did with the men's gym?

yeah, it's fucking awesome.

i probably wouldn't do the lavender wallpaper for burly firefighters but that is not even remotely a problem that couldn't be addressed.

i fucking hate this show.

now..

onto some shit that's been on my mind...

 

 

 

i started recapping these turd shows last season.

to my knowledge i was the only blogger doing so.

at least in the tell-it-like-it-is-with-red-scribble-and-drawings that i became known for.

i enjoyed doing it.

it was my thing.

 

now there are so many blogs out there recapping this shit pageant.

very similar to mine.

which leaves me feeling a little dry and uninspired.

     i kind of feel like what's the point?

i don't get excited about recapping this show anymore.

and i don't want to be one in a list of bloggers who blog about the same show.

it makes me feel all gross inside.

afterall what would desire to inspire do if MFAMB started doing "monday's pets on furniture"?

only i changed it to "tuesday's pets on furniture"..

wouldn't that be kind of weird?

i'm not saying i own all rights to design star recaps.

i certainly don't.

but i also don't want to be a clone.

thoughts?