where i am

 

superfamily and extended superfamily are enjoying this view for the next 5 days.

points of interest:

pawleys island is nice.

hot tubs are relaxing.

the hushpuppies here taste like donuts. (this is very good news)

the women here look like kate gosselin.

and tweens are remarkably fun to talk to.

word to your mom.

design turd episode 6: oh my god oh my god!!! what does it meeeean?? a complete double elimination all the way!!!

 there were clues this week regarding the double complete rainbow elimination outcome.

look-

double caseys:

 

double douches:

 

and another ridiculously right field design challenge.

trump jr. was there to show off douche towers new jersey or something like that and vern told the turds they had to design a model room epitomizing the trump brand of luxury.

and then made them choose a bunch of bullshit souvenir bags to use as their inspiration.

plastic toys are so luxurious.

just like the inside of my butt.

so each turd walked over to pick a bag...

and like little yodas it would appear that the bags picked them..

casey picked the architecture and buildings bag.

stacey picked the checker cabs bag.

alex picked the big apple bag.

tom picked the statue of liberty bag.

emily picked the subway.

courtland picked the times square bag.

and

michael picked the broadway bag.

if only nina were still here i am certain she would have picked the graffiti bag.

like every other week each turd had their "moment" in the room and then worked collaboratively on the space as a whole.

here is the winning room done by the blue team that was michael, casey, alex and emily:

i think it eats peentop.

 

and the winning moment:

 alex's little "big apple pillow".

he deconstructed his bag to make a pillow.

winner!!

 

the losing space done by the red team or, the other knuckleheads:

these monkeys spent a fucking crackload of money at ABC carpet and home and this is how they put it together?!

mother fucker.

fuck you rug on an angle.

(but someone please deliver it to my house after this sideshow is over)

as a whole i adore the furniture way more in this space than the flaxy leathery boxy mess of the winning room.  

honestly..

different colored walls, a bigger rug, a couple of gorgeous chairs, more lighting, a few key art pieces, and curtains...you would have won this one red team..

 

and then stacey completely bozo'd the bed:

(shakes head in disgust)

she put a fucking box spring in the bed, NO mattress, added some horrible sheets and called it a day.

her reason was she felt that taking away the mattress would give the headboard more height and more height equals luxury.

here's what else equals luxury stacey..

A MATTRESS UNDER SOME HIGH QUALITY BEDDING AND SOFT, SQUISHY PILLOWS!!!!!!!!

and her losing moment:

a taxi under a cloche.

while under normal circumstances i could see this on a mantle or on a table or something and it being somewhat cute but for a design challenge when you have to incorporate your bag into something artistic and substantial this is a FAIL.

but that bed nonsense is a far far bigger fail in my mind.

 

and then there's tom...

tom painted the whole bathroom blue.

walls, ceiling and door.

later changing the door back to white.

 

and the judges show up wearing a very similar shade of blue...

mandice in a slutty stewardess/slutty cop halloween costume..

and they hate the blue bathroom..

weird.

i didn't hate the blue bathroom.

i felt like he at least made a choice to go bold.

sure his creepy, manic ADD personality took it to a level of crazy but look at the winning team's bathroom:

what the cock is this shit??

look, you know i love me a white bathroom but this looks like they just skipped over it.

and isn't this building called trump towers new jersey?

and isn't this the type of person who would live in a trump tower?

which bathroom do you think they would go for?

 

in any case. the red team is the losing team.

during the judging vern was karate chopping everyone's face with hate lasers.

especially stacey, who had zero defense for her turdy choices.

vern sent stacey packing without even watching her host reel.

he was incensed by that bed and cab-under-a-cloche.

but wait there's more!!!!

vern tells courtland and tom that one of them is going home too!

both host reels suck dick but for some reason tom's sucked bigger dick.

that and his blue bathroom.

so vern sent him back to his creepy cabin by the lake to carve more wooden dolls heads..

at least that's where i think tom might be going.

 

 

paint progress

 painting is not my favorite thing in the world.

taking forever.

had to add some warm peachy pink paint to the super ultra white.

not bc i didn't like the bright white, but bc it was brighter than the trim.

oops my bad.

but it is much better now.

it looks better with the pinkish tiles.

going to need 3 coats.

fuck. balls. shit. cockface.

working on 2nd coat now.

the good news is that all the weird angles and jutted out walls have disappeared.

yay white!!

ok then...back to it.

 

also this:

GOAT.

 

and don't forget the turds tonight at 10 est.

 

showing design turd qualities

our master bath:

before you get all judgy i want you to know that i have every intention of changing the light fixtures in time.

and the keep calm poster pumps me up about as much as a pap smear.

 

ok..so here is a shot of the weirdness of many walls and angles:

necklaces and things.

intend to get some cute hooks, instead of ghetto nails.

 

2 days after we moved into this house a huge oak tree fell on it and crushed the roof.

this is the damage remnants of a lazy contractor.

and paint job done by a douchebag (me).

 

worst light fixture ever?

 

more weird slopes and angles.

this black part actually sits about 4 feet below the actual ceiling:

 

about these paint finishes:

you see i got the wrong finish when i went to complete the paint job and have had to live with it's amateurishness.

 

huge windows.

i am thinking bamboo.

 

ridiculous amount of toiletries.

the cabinet finish is much lighter than this in person.

more orange.

and i can't for the life of me figure out why there is an extra freestanding sink in here.

it's foreign to me.

and..

i did not post 872730482 pics of my bathroom so i could get a bunch of jacked up comments like;

"you need to tear out all of those walls and open up the space"

or

"that shit is so ugly my eyes are bleeding"

i am a renter.

i have a husband who can't see spending 11 dollars on a sconce for a space that doesn't technically even belong to us.

or the 66 dollars i spent on paint for this space.

(which as you and i both know is RIDICULOUSLY cheap)

but i intend to do the best i can to change the shit that's ugly into something that is pretty without spending a lot of money. as in next to nothing.

if any of you have any idea where i can get cheap and interesting light fixtures please let me know.