this shit just writes itself..

here you go dream analyzers..

what does it mean when you spill an ENTIRE BOX of kosher salt

but it's mixed with fennel seeds?

obviously an enormous amount of bad luck..

but

is it foreshaddowing to the type of bad luck?

is mario batali coming to beat me to death with one of his orange crocs?

(i could take him)

or is he coming to make magical love to me only to flatten me with his intense girth?

i hope i never have to find out. (maybe)

what about this for obvious..

me and nene leakes wuz workin in the most popular store in the mall and we were obviously best friends for life..

until she ROLLER SKATED AWAY FROM ME!!  

i roller skated after her but just kept getting lost.

i went through the food court grabbing up samples as i quickly and cutely skated by..

i kept thinking how the cool mall air felt so good against my skin as i whipped around.

but everytime i thought about what i was skating after i got real sad.

i never found nene.

i just woke up.

seriously..

that is one for the dream books if i ever did hear.

anyway..

 thanks for the nice comments yesterday.

you totally redeemed yourselves.

you might not realize but i actually read your comments, love your comments and take your comments to heart!

i consider you all my friends.

and some of you have offered me really great advice that i needed to get through tough times.

and i will absolutely think of the most awesome giveway in the universe to repay you for your kindness.

and to nancy who said: "stop begging for comments it is beneath you"...

i say to YOU..

i shovel month old, stale, SAVORY GARLIC flavored crackers through nutella and throw them into my mouth repeatedly throughout the day..

nothing is beneath me. 

as for your turd recap..

it's coming.

i have 2 deadlines this week, plus a little girl who is up in my grill every 4 seconds.

i will deliver it to you impatient bitches in a few hours.

so unless you wanna start paying me money to write this shit (it takes at least 5 hours to write one of these recaps)

i suggest you simmer down.

dreamy anger farts,

yesterday was not my best day..

i dreamt that i woke up with jet black hair.  

only not pretty jennifer connelly jet black hair..

it was like local patchouli scented thrift store employee jet black hair with flecks of blue.

it made me look real ugly.

so i went to a small town hair salon that a lot of sloppy, ugly people worked at (they wouldn't judge me).

i needed them to dye my hair back to blonde.

but i knew deep down that this would be a real hard task for people who probably had grocery store hair dyes

in the back room instead of super nice non hair frying expensive smelly goody hair bleaches and dyes.

the kind that are used on rich and famous ladies.

i went in and the sloppies were real nice and they told me they could fix it no problem.

so they bleached it..

and bleached it..

and then there were those little foil squares thrown in and i thought...ok..they know a little bit about some stuff.

and then when that shit was done it looked  A LOT like this:

and my face looked like that too.  in fact that is me.

but then as if that weren't enough trauma for one person to endure..

it started to turn black again.

every time i looked in the mirror it would get blacker..

and stringier..

and blue tips would emerge.

eventually i was severus snape.

moral of the story?

small town sloppy uglies are sometimes real nice and want to help. 

so yeah, my best friend moved away yesterday and thankfully the 6 of you who commented were full of hate and anger toward her too so that was nice to hear.

where were the rest of you assholes?

you don't want to send me hugs and a giant tub of nutella?!!

you will shit all over a picture of circus curtains but you can't leave a comment like,

oh jenny...i am so sorry you lost your friend...here...have this hug in the form of nice words.

just know that i know who you are and you will NOT be picked for my super awesome giveaway later in the month.  

(ok there isn't actually a giveaway but i aim to make one up just so that you can NOT be chosen)

and for those of you here for your design star recap you are going to have to wait a little bit.

i will deliver that golden turd tonight or tomorrow.

in the meantime please enjoy the blueness of these spaces that represent my sadness...

and shark week!!!!

bitter farts,

 

images via veranda 

well well...monday i see you are at it again...

this day has already confused me a great deal.

on the one hand i held a tiny white soft feral kitten that hangs out with her tiny white sister and tiny orange tabby brother on my porch.   i have been working on it for weeks.   so i consider that a HUGE win.

on the other hand my best girlfriend molly aka mollsballs is moving across the universe (LA) tomorrow and this will be the last day i see her.

she should know that i am NOT happy for her.

i do NOT wish her well.

i hope she fails miserably out there and hates it and has to move back here to be my bitch again.

sorry.  honesty is the best policy.

AND everyone sent me hate mail about this photo:

i still think it's delightful.

circusy curtains and all.

but...

it's shark week!!

yay!

sharks trying to eat people makes up for my sadness.

saturday small space delight

what's more fake...ramona's dumb fake pregnancy scare or my sincerity in this post?

answer:  it's ramonapause!

cuz i am always sincere.

what's up hookers?

sorry for the lack of post yesterday but i was busy.

this week has been jam packed with work, new work, err'body needin sumthin..

etc.

today is no different..

i am off to do more stuffwork.

i will pop back in a bit later to soothe your inner beasts with something or other.

so have no fear...

or do have fear bc i have no idea what it will be which means it could contain some sort of vagina picture or worse!

until then:

this dining room delights the pants off of me.

c u next tuesday!

(or later today.  but definitely by monday)

images via ashli mizell via design junkies

worst recap ever

i watched this whole episode with a side eye...

that's not real!

that's not real!!

thaaat's NOT REAL!

fuck man.

i don't know what's real anymore.

actually this is real..

supersonic gay.

come to think of it...those bikes are props too.

i will leave this recap up to you..

1.

DID jeff foot the bill for those 50 thousand dollar floors?

were they even 50 thousand dollars?

2.

what kind of shampoo and conditioner do you think ross uses?

cuz i need it.

3. 

was shannon factor an illusion?

sent from hollywood, dru style?

4.

did you know that i am going to make this cake tomorrow and then eat a good bit of it?

lemon pound cake

5. 

MLB has a day named after him.

that's neat.

it's thundering outside right now.

6.

i thought mary's tent was pretty.

in fact she should decorate all hollywood tent parties.

unless it's a nathan indian tent party.

7.

i suspect the only reason nathan was on this show was because of mary.

8.

it is 3:40 pm right now.

9. 

there is wine in a glass next to my hand. 

every few seconds i take a sip.

10.

wingardium leviosa

11.

assholes.

12.

didn't you get a happy, warm feeling when jackleen drank the champagne?

i want a jackleen.

13.

charlene=liza minelli

14.

i would have been happier if this scene went down shirtless.

15.

i think this book is pretty lame.

16.

this used to be my favorite tv show.

17.

million dollar best friends!!!!!!!!!

are we done?

glitter shame,