good day to you!
i just had my moop (morning poop)
and am ready for business!
sooo...
the true random winner of the great black leather bag giveaway of 2008-2011 (factual times)
is trisha!
trisha contact aunt MFAMB with the specifics for bag delivery 2011.
ok...
moving on to the 2nd most important matter of the day..
american horror sto-shut your filthy baby limb stuffed mouth!
if you are not watching this show i can only assume it's bc scary shit scares you.
perhaps watching scary shit makes you hallucinate in hotel rooms?
perhpas despite hallucinations you still watch it bc you're dumb.
ok everyone..go grab your pretty girl masks!!
let me start off by saying that several times during this week's episode i was laughing.
not bc any of that shit was funny.
bc i was so uncomfortable and scared that my nerves decided that laughing would trick my brain into
believing none of it was real.
i think it's called nervous laughter and i am pretty sure that when it happens to you you are not even aware that it's happening so you obviously can't control it.
this episode opens with zachary quinto gaying it up with a guy who looks exactly like that true blood guy.
zack's all.."you need to get prettier apples (i can totally relate here) for the apple bobbing portion of our halloween party bc elle decor might come by to take pictures you douchenstein!"
true blood is all, "why don't you eat my dick anymore? (mike can totally relate here)"
then black suit guy comes in and snaps zack's neck under the apple bobbing water surrounded by ugly gala apples (so ugly!).
then true blood comes in and sees what's up and then we don't find out what happens to him.
i suspect he gave black suit guy a beej right before black suit guy snapped him like a twig.
cut to present day and viv and ben are talking to bitchy real estate lady.
she's telling them in order to sell the house they need to glam it up just like some dead gays would do.
she happens to know a (dead gay) fluffer.
now to my mind a fluffer is the person (male or female) who comes on the porn set and get's all the dude's weiners hard.
viv is under the same impression, you can see it in her eyes.
at the end of the day i guess a fluffer is just someone who makes shit more better.
mom's are fluffers.
i am now, officially, a fluffer.
at this point i am aware that the real estate lady is probably just one of the many ghosts on board this ship.
mike thinks they're all dead.
i think if that's the case i will personally kill every single person responsible for this show and then everyone will be a ghost.
next we see addie talking to jessica's sort of hot boyfriend.
he is being sweet and a little flirty with her, bc he seems like a nice fellow.
who is obviously riding jess for some gas money.
addie is telling him in whispers what she wants to be for halloween.
once he leaves for some pall mall's for jess,
she tells jess that she wants to be a pretty girl for halloween.
jess is all,
fuck no you're gonna be snoopy again.
then addie cries.."noooo i wanna beee a priiittttyyyy guuuuhl!!!"
and jess is all..
you can't be pretty bc you're retarded.
so mean.
across the street the gays show up at ben and viv's to fluff the house for halloween.
zack explains that the gazebo is too extreme home makeover for him and it needs to be ripped out.
ben is obviously getting nervous bc he buried his dead girlfriend under it.
zack asks ben if he made it at which point ben cuts his hand on his pumpkin carving knife.
true blood guy tells everyone he is an EMT (Expert Meat Toucher) and takes ben upstairs to touch his meat
stitch up his hand.
ben tells meat toucher that he is not gay.
meat toucher says he wasn't either until he had the fantastic pleaure of man mouth on his man meat.
and i am sad bc i want to see this touching of meat between 2 men.
and you are either a straight man or you are lying if you didn't want to see this go down (awesome pun) too.
back across the street jess comes into addie's room with a big fucking scary mask head of a pretty girl's face (nervous laughter) for addie to put over her own face.
serioulsy this shit is way scarier than the black suit guy or the basement baby.
meanwhile ben and viv are having a discussion about ben's girlfriend.
viv found out through text message tracing (thanks zack!) that ben was still communicating with his girlfriend.
ben assures viv that she won't be bothering them again.
bc she's dead, duh.
but then (nervous laughter) the phone rings.
SURPRISE BEN!!!
it's your dead girlfriend buried in the back yard!!
downstairs the gay's are getting antsy over the apples not being right...AGAIN!!!
zack is all.."GO TO THE FUCKING FARMER'S MARKET AND GET THE RIGHT GODDAMN APPLES!!"
(right? thank you.)
viv is like.."you two need to get out of my house!"
gay's are all.."it's not your house"
viv and ben are all.."what r u talking about? it is our house! and you need to exit it immediately!!"
break shit break shit break shit
this scares the gays the most.
they disappear.
viv starts having kicking pains.
problem is the baby is too small for legs.
hospital time!
you stay home violet and make sure the creepy dead gays don't murder you!
at the hospital viv is laying down getting ready for the ultrasound to ensure that her monster baby is ok.
the tech is all..your baby is the size of a peanut, it can't be kicking you! you probably just have the farts (relate).
then she passes out bc she obviously sees chucky inside there.
sadly we don't see shit.
cut to addie in her fucked up mask running after some stereotypical pretty girls out for tricks and treats into the street where BLAMMO! she gets annihilated by a car.
i'm gonna say that someone did this on purpose.
the ambulance shows up and tries to get her to the hospital but jessica runs out and sees addie's probably gonna die so she quickly oscar moments the EMT's (not Expert Meat Touchers, maybe) into leaving her alone so she can drag addie's twisted up body into the lawn of ben and viv's house.
did you notice that part?
or do i get the smart award of the day?
see if she didn't die in or near the house she couldn't be a ghost in or near the house.
and then in the sadest moment of the night old moira goes into a nursing home to pull the plug on her obviously close to death mother.
then mom is all, "come with me baby"...(sniff sniff)
and moira's all..."blerrrgl gllerrb(tear vomit) i caaaaaannnn'ttttt!!!!"
back at home violet is frantically calling her parents bc burn face guy is knocking on the door demanding his money from ben for killing ben's girlfriend.
here at casa anderson we believe that burn face guy is ben's alter ego ala tyler durden.
and that burn face guy didn't do the girlfriend murdering, ben did.
but then that wouldn't explain why he is knocking on the door and violet can see him.
fuck! this show is hardd!!
anyway...ben and viv pull up and violet is gone.
then someone knocks on the door.
ben answers it and it's his now zombie girlfriend full of dust and smiles.
the fucking end.
things i forgot to mention:
*tate in the basement in the rubber suit trying to do sex with violet.
*tate doesn't know how to use a ouija board. you don't ask it a question and then tell a goddamn story.
*we find out the the original owners of the house (charles and norah)use to run abortions on young, in trouble girls in the basement of the house.
*one of the girls' byfriends found out and basically snatched charles and norah's baby in an "eye for an eye" moment.
*the police later returned the chopped up baby parts to charles and norah, thus launching the first build-a-bear for babies workshop.
questions for discussion:
1. who is in the rubber suit?
my guess is it's whoever you want it to be.
for me it's robert pattinson.
2. how did the gays corpses end up in the basement?
who took them there?
rubber dude?
3. what is the baby's PROBLEM??
what else am i missing?
discuss...
