some extremely important things within this post

my favorite kind of post to write is the kind that feels like my brain is fat with random thoughts and information...

and i just can't wait to tell my best friends (you) all about things like my dreams and how 

i feel it's sacrilege to not look at your poop before you flush it.

and other things..

for starters-

my wife decorno thinks riesling is a delicious wine that goes with thai food and cheese...

i told her i saw no point in a wine that only has 7-11% alcohol.

but bc i love 'cornsie and trust her, i tried it.

here's what...

 it IS delicious!

it should also be the wine of choice for those bachelor rose ceremony parties (drunk bitches be fallin' down).

but it has the same calories as my booze-wine (chardonnay), roughly 110 calories per glass.

so let's do some math..

4 glasses of riesling = 2 glasses of chardonnay.

that ratio is based on how many glasses of riesling/chardonnay it takes to reach a mom buzz.

you know...the kind of buzz that you need at 4 in the afternoon to feel like yourself again and still prepare dinner without burning it?

so 440 calories vs. 220 calories.

the choice is obvious.

also...

i have been contemplating this cut for a long time.

i am one divorce away from seeing it through.

moving right a long...

cold and flu season is right around the corner for those of us in the northern hemisphere.

this year i intend to build a fucking shield around myself with some thieves oil,

only bc i want a GIANT TUB of it i am going to make my own...

 here's the how to.

and finally...

thanks to my girl claire @guygirltravel 

we have this to rub our boobs on..

(turn the volume way up bc the sound is terrible)

if anyone in the UK is reading i will run naked through your vegetable patch wearing your wellies

if you record this season and send it to me.

i would very much like to prepare my recaps in advance so that you all have them the day after they air here.

DO IT!

over and out. 

i see you...

ralph lauren's deep pool...

i see you..

you look amazing.

in real life.

i see you contemplating a new perch nicolas bb...

i see...

a better house tour in your near future.

a trend i enjoy

 it's gingham!

i've been noticing it a LOT lately.

you may remember that i bought some gingham sheets for fiona's room.

their color gave me the finger in my face but other than that i liked them.

i saw some yellow gingham in ikea yesterday but just in duvet and pillowcase form.

why does ikea make all these awesome duvets but then shiny, solid ghetto porn sheets?

also shower curtains....all that cute and awesome fabric and then the worst shower curtains you've ever seen.

buttholes.

 anyway...

let's look at some gingham..

 i think it works best when it's done LARGE and in charge.

 this is a small dose but it works for me because everything else is spare and clean and modern looking.

the gingham adds a bit of country charm without it being KUNTRY. 

 jeffrey bilhuber uses it lots.

and i love it paired with unexpected ethnic-y fabrics.

it's all about keeping it modern and not too laura ashley.

 blue gingham 

lavender gingham.

brown gingham.

love all 3 of those.

what about you?

how would you use it?

or better yet...how should i use it? 

 

 images via vogue living, matchbook, lonny, the way home, house beautiful

looking at on ebay

bright yellow suzani.

i would use this as a tablecloth.

it's happy.

brass cantilevered chairs.

crooked lamps.

vintage fabric.

this lamp.

man i wish there were 2.

vintage spotlight.

orange mushroom lamps.

white, black and gold pouf.

stripey camp blanket.

hudson bay-ish camp blanket.

it's raining here.

but i am going to pick up a cypress table i found on craigslist.

for cheee-eeap.

gonna paint it white and make love to it.

i'll take pictures.

of the table.

and the lovemaking if you're interested.

thanks..internet aka opinion central

and just like a magical rainbow of love...monday is back.

thanks to the 37 or so-ish of you for your encouragement and high fives the other day.

it really is super fucking hard being a parent.

like samwise carrying a near death frodo up the base of mount doom- hard.

i think i am doing a pretty good job some of the time.

but mostly i beat myself up and lose lots of sleep....

so BIGTIME thanks, to the 6 or so-ish of you who made me feel worse about what i already feel really shitty about. 

way to go gollums!

here's the thing that i think many of you missed..

 the fact that i didn't throw my daughter down a flight of stairs (which would have been doubly hard since we don't have stairs. so i would have had to drive her to a place with stairs)  was a miracle in and of itself.

so i did WIN in that department.  bc last i checked murder was illegal.

she eventually did what i asked her to.

yes, it took forever but it was the FIRST time i kept my cool and didn't drag her to her room by her hair.

since then it hasn't taken nearly as long to get her to do what i ask.

 parenting is always a learning curve.  you learn what works and you stick to it.

you learn what doesn't and you throw it away.

since the post i have looked into magic 123..

i am always up for something new.

i like helpful tips.

i also like it when my daughter respects me.

that is my goal.

also,

this is finally available:

ikea PS sconce.

$49.99.

stores only.

an ounce of pretense

you're gonna see this shit a million times but that's ok...

drink in the details.

love her or hate her, her work is exciting.

she is a fearless artist.

let's talk about her...

here's my 2 cents..

looking at her rooms is like looking at a very VERY expensive piece of art

that you could never EVER own and you weep in it's presence, because it is at once so beautiful and so unobtainable.

 like ryan gosling without a shirt.

raise your hand if you'd like to see her decorate a home for real people.

 how would she do it?

regular people can't afford her customized furniture and wall to wall marble.

 

i love the drabness of it all.

and then wham with the brass!

 ermahgerd.

are you seeing this shit??!!! 

she's just taunting us all now.

a brass island y'all.

brass.

cabinets.

on an island. 

does it smell like pennies?

oh wait...that's copper.

that lavender with those honey tones.

her color palettes are always so sophisticated.

oh, that?

that's just a snakeskin and brass table on a wall of hand painted wallpaper.

nothing special.

 

here's where things start to get a little too kooky for me.

the workmanship is beautiful and the materials are amazing.

but it feels a little like a bathing chamber on krypton.

i cannot relate to it at all.

this is my favorite.

it's warm and luxurious.

with just enough crazy.

this room is like a well appointed 70's porn set.

and i don't mean that in a bad way.

kelly will take a color and add it in every texture under the sun.  the key to success in a monochrome space.

those night stands are insane.

not ever 100% sold on the wormy-ness of a de sede sofa.

i appreciate them.  let's leave it at that.

but this room is very cozy and opulent at the same time.

no small feat.

kelly's work is so artistic and lavish and yet can be very simple and homey if you look closely.

but at the end of the day her spaces never EVER look like a person or family lives there.

phenomenally gorgeous materials and tremendous objets...but no heart. 

do you agree?

or do you think the opposite?

who knew i could write a post without talking about diarrhea or farting?

poop.