thoughts on downton

i don't watch superbowls.  

but apparently when they are complete blowouts no one else does either. 

i watched downton.  it was nice.  kinda boring.  but easy.  like a picnic on a warm day with only a few bugs landing on your fried chicken.  

here are my thoughts:

poor daisy.

alfred gets the understudy letter of his dreams.  he will be playing the part of top chef after all. 

sadly, not even toast can keep alfred in his seat, let alone daisy's homely face. 

could he have tried to get out of there any faster?  i'm guessing that if it weren't for carson reminding him to say his goodbyes to the family, that goofy ginge would have been out of there faster than jimmy searching for ivy's vagina via her mouth. 

rose is finalizing plans for lord grantham's birthday party.  get ready for your present OF A BLACK PERSON!   i found it a little weird when jack ross showed up and everyone was all..cool!  a black person is here!  this isn't weird at all.  

except when carson asked him why he didn't move to africa.

that carson.  such an adorable racist. 

"call me cora" cousin cora continues to sit around in a lithium haze.  except when she rescues her staff from the ultimate embarrassment at fancy restaurants. 

thomas is still sending baxter to eavesdrop and report back. not sure why baxter just doesn't say " i got nothin."   like, would it be so hard to lie?  

bates and anna seem happier.  if by happy you mean just slightly better than being raped and not being able to talk about it.  

they decide to enjoy a nice evening out at a restaurant they aren't fancy enough to attend.  i was glad and surprised bates didn't take his rage out on the assfaced maitre'd.  did he really say "i want to murder"?   where i come from that's considered a giant red flag for MURDERING SOMEONE!

thankfully cora comes over and pulls an abe froman. 

lady mary has a new guy to roll her eyes at and then have sex with.  charles blake.  it's good for mary.  it's how i like my mary.  stone cold bitchy slut.   lord knows i won't tolerate her with a dude named evelyn. 

speaking of slutty!  that rose wasted no time getting kissy with jack ross, who sings like a toddler pretending to be a man. 

uncle harold wrote a letter.  uncle harold is played by paul giamatti.  that's all that matters. 

molesley took a job serving servants. molesley should just kill himself. 

so should edith.  seriously she should just sylvia plath herself in mrs. patmore's prized oven.  she's pregnant and i can't honestly think of anything good coming from this.  other than a (maybe) beautiful baby.  but by downton standards no woman with a baby can  a.) have a husband who is alive.  b.) have a husband, period.  or  c.) live.

the best part of this kinda boring episode was the dowager/isobel showdown. 

so much good shit flew out the dowager's mouth this week. 

and frankly, it's just nice to see the two of them pretend to hate each other.  because you know they don't.   i DO NOT like what i see coming next week. and that is a sick dowager.

tom still wants to leave downton, but at least we know that it has little to do with fitting in and everything to do with getting laid.

i still have high hopes that mary will slide down tom's maypole at some point. 

also next week...the return of rapey green!  in my version he comes back and a seriously hard up thomas hate fucks him in the larder. 

a girl can dream. 

what were your thoughts?

were you as blissfully satisfied as i was?  

new in the shop + framing suggestions

hi guys!!

here are some new paper paintings.

we should talk about frames for a second.  

a lot of people ask me how to frame things.

truthfully i wish i had a framing studio out back where i could actually frame all of my paper pieces because i am that particular about it.

the wrong frame can make even the best painting look bad.  

let's take a look at some frames done right:

for big, bold abstract pieces i like the frame to be very simple and very clean.  without any matting. 

another option i love is to float the painting like michelle does with her abstracts. 

sally benedict does it too. 

and for good reason.  it's modern and it lets the art do the talking.  

floaty float float. 

as for the finish, well,  i am partial to white, birch or maple, or black.  it honestly depends on the painting itself and your room.   

star crossed

22 x 30 

i would like to see this one in a white frame. 

wilhelmina

22 x 30

this one would work with all options i think.  i would probably be partial to white or birch though. 

vella

22 x 30

white, definitely.  or black. 

sumi

22 x 30

i'd go maple or birch on this one.  but again, i think all of the aforementioned options would work.  

ok then. 

thank you. 

see ya later. 

AHS recap

i suppose we are all here to commiserate on a shitty finale?

there were a few highs (knotty pine) but mainly it was filled with horrendous lows (stevie nicks music video opening montage).

mostly i would like a do-over.  i would like david lynch to come back and re-shoot the entire season. 

from the get-go this season wasn't scary enough or creepy enough for me.  i'm sure it never had any intention of being scary.  it seemed aimed to please a different audience this year.  a younger one?  a more mainstream one?  i mean the opening credits were the scariest thing about it and the episodes never lived up to that level of fright.  admit it, those AHS opening numbers are creepy as fuck!

but the real issue, the most annoying tidbit this season for me were the plot gaps and disappearing story lines from episode to episode.  

about 5 minutes into the episode i said...it's cordelia.  i think i mentioned that before here and i am certain a fair number of you did too.  sure, they tried to throw you for a loop here and there but at the end of the day....could anyone else have been the supreme?

misty?  too soft.  

zoe? too stupid.

madison? too much like fiona.

queenie- a strong contender in terms of a deserving and solid supreme.

nan?  maybe. 

i think i started to truly think it was cordelia when marie leveau came to the house to join forces and fiona started beating the shit out of her (cordelia) on the reg.   it HAD to be her!  so pathetic.  so tortured.  never truly using her powers because she was too afraid living in the shadow of her supremely powerful mother.   

i just hated the way it came to pass.  myrtle tells her casually over tea?   i mean all that was missing was myrtle smacking herself in the head a la "i could have had a v8!?"  "OF COURSE YOU ARE THE NEXT SUPREME!! BECAUSE DUH!!!!"    really?

so she and her ping pong ball eyes take on the 7 wonders with ease.  and when she brings zoe back to life...poof...she's beautiful again.   it happened right,  it just happened so fast that it felt forced and stupid.  like the stevie nicks 1980's music video opening number.  i almost turned the tv off after that.  

and poor misty.  so, the lesson here is sorry you're so kind and nice and can't kill or hurt anything...but you have to spend the rest of eternity reliving your worst fear?   that seems fucked up.  

the 7 wonders bits were fun.  i enjoyed them in the same way i enjoy makeovers on tv shows.

but nothing, none of it saved this season for me.

there was a moment, at the end, when i got extreme goosebumps...when fiona wakes up in her knotty pine cabin, for a second...i thought it was the house from season 2.  the alien house.  

i was saying.. "OH MY GOD!  OH MY GOD!"  and then the axeman showed up and i was like, oh. never mind.   anyone else think that?  

overall it felt convoluted and the whole season's resolve felt forced and crammed into the final hour. 

i was happy to see kyle become the new spalding. 

i was happy to see fiona turn into gollum. 

i was happy that queenie and zoe became the council leaders. 

i was not happy that they televised the coven or that 5,000 girls came to the door.  seems a bit odd to go from 4 to 5,000. 

the real bummer for me is, very early on i lost all ability to care for any of these characters and what happened to them.   that fault goes to the writers.

next season (of COURSE i will watch) they better bring back the scary.  

thoughts?

delicious things

THIS!!!

i baked bread. it was easy and it was delicious. 

that's butter and gooey, raw honey slathered on it. 

but it honestly needed neither. 

recipe here. 

no, it isn't GF and i only had one piece. 

totally worth any gastrointestinal discomfort.

plus we are housebound because of winter storm anus so baking seems appropriate.

now, bread is delicious but it's not my achilles heel. 

that would be sugar. 

in any form.

and yesterday i made quite possibly the best tasting blondie of my life.

make no mistake, a blondie is basically a chocolate chip cookie without the chocolate chips, but a little chewier and a little more buttery.

this recipe is as basic as it gets..

flour, brown sugar, butter, vanilla extract and bean, egg, baking soda and powder and salt.

probably everything you already have.

except maybe the bean in which case i would just double the extract amount.

the key, i think, is the butter..

it's browned. 

a whole stick.

once you dump the browned butter into the egg, extract and brown sugar and whisk?

you're done for. 

the smell is nirvana. 

make them.

for breakfast.

or whatever.

the best part?

it makes a REALLY small batch. 

so you won't overdo it. 

unless you live alone. 

then good luck to you my friend. 

special equipment- 8 x 8 pan. 

we used a 9" round pie plate and the blondies were as thin as a cookie.

so, you could double the recipe if you don't have the 8 x 8 pan.

you'll still have a small amount, they'll just be thicker. 

next time i think i'll add chocolate chips.

but i would make them wo if this is your first time.

just so you can really appreciate the buttery, nutty, salty, sweet, soft and chewy, vanilla thing. 

OH! 

and i doubled the salt. 

the recipe calls for 1/8 of a tsp and that didn't feel like enough salt to me.

i was right.  perfect salt to sweet ratio. 

so do use 1/4 tsp of salt.

i used fine sea salt. 

in sad news..

our cable is all messed up.

we need a new box and bc of WSA we can't have one delivered until maybe tomorrow.

all this means is i wasn't able to watch AHS. 

so i have no idea what happened.

so PLEASE don't spoil it.

as in make no mention. 

i don't want to know anything.

that includes how you felt about.

or that you are anxious to hear how i felt about it.

nothing. 

i will recap it as soon as i am able to see it. 

go make some blondies.

winter storm anus

 if you hadn't heard...georgia is in a code red state of emergency.

i know a lot of you are laughing at us.

don't feel bad i would be laughing at us too.

i am from the midwest originally so i know a thing or two about snow and snow days and all things snow..

but i have lived in georgia since my junior year in high school and i can tell you this..

georgia is ill prepared for snow at all times.

forget the fact that 100% of us have no idea how to actually drive in snowy and/or icy conditions but there is no salt, there are no truck armies to clear shit away, no snow tires and did i mention...georgia drivers are the worst?

i'm not talking about the people who are straight up terrified to drive on ice, i am talking about the people who don't use common sense when actually driving on said ice..

like..mmm...i don't know.. SLOW DOWN and DON'T CUT PEOPLE OFF!

the issue last night was epic and horrible.

my facebook feed read like night of the living dead.

mom's were still not seeing their children home from school as busses were on the road for 10+ hours after school release.

the highways were so packed (let's remember that atlanta traffic is in the top 3 percentile for worst traffic IN THE UNIVERSE!) that trucks couldn't clear the ice if they wanted to.

people were running out of gas in the middle of the highway!  and communicating via facebook for people to come and rescue them somehow.

there are still people stranded!

i can only imagine if it were me...being a type 1 diabetic this could have been life threatening so i have to assume there were plenty of people in a similar situation and that notion had me up all night. 

the fucking HUMANITY! 

all this over 2" of snow. 

TWO INCHES!

i know i know...it sounds comical and hopefully in retrospect everyone can laugh about it or at the very least georgia will begin to take winter weather a bit more seriously and be fucking prepared for winter storm anuses. 

so, we get it canada...we're pussies. 

but it snows like, once every 3 years!

and it's not JUST that we don't have a lot of experience when it snows it's that we are never actually prepared for it. 

so, hopefully if you live in atlanta you weren't trapped in this madness and were home safe and sound and warm with your babies.

that's what i wish for you anyway.

we were here and happy.

speaking of happy..

i painted 2 happiest of happy paintings:

pie in the sky

18 x 24 

and

land of milk and honey

22 x 30

stay warm people.

and georgia...

STAY OFF THE ROADS YOU TWATS!

over hill, over dale

i'm sure many of you look at real estate listings in price ranges you can't afford.  

that's normal, right?

what about foreign countries?

totally normal, right?

thought so.

well...i found my house.

surprisingly it's not that expensive.

about 600k USD.

i don't have that kind of playdough but if you do..

here you go.

only don't buy it or i will beat you to death. 

unless you intend on buying it for me...then THANK YOU!!!!!

it's in north yorkshire in the middle of nowhere basically so it could only truly be a vacation house for us because we have a school aged child.

and i have no business homeschooling anyone. 

i don't love the stone floors because COLD!

but they are original so i guess i sort of have to love them?

but i do love everything else.

(apart from the horrifying furniture and spice colored wall)

bonus points for the aga. 

zero points for the picnic table and speckled granite counters. 

the honey finish on the cabinets has to go too.

on the fence about the beams being so dark. 

it seems of a period but maybe in an oppressive way.  

what would you call that color?

cinnamon?

cayenne?

bloody diarrhea?

and you're not helping anyone too-small-rug. 

still not loving the dark beams. 

 if they had a theme song it would be the this. 

it would play every time someone walked into the room. 

yes, you'll have to look past the short bus curtains and pine everything furniture..

but what a cozy room. 

why would you try to cover those windows?!?!

it's not like anyone's actually removing those beauty queen sashes to close them.

useless curtains drive me bananas.  so do curtains that don't fall on the floor. 

this room in general just doesn't need curtains or any window treatment for that matter. 

also present..one of my all time least favorite decorating tricks..

sticks in a vase..or in this case...URN. 

ditto the last image. 

but the real reason this is my dream house apart from the charm of the interior minus a few honey colored items..is this:

i know. 

die. 

this is yorkshire and it's my favorite place ever. 

here's what the listing tells us about the property:

The property has been the subject of an extensive and sympathetic programme of restoration and modernisation by the current owners over the last few years who have successfully retained much of its inherent character and charm including the stone mullioned windows, stone flagged and stripped wooden floors, some exposed stone walls and a wealth of beams. Yet, they have incorporated the modern refinements to enjoy such
as a bespoke handmade kitchen with a Rayburn. The tastefully decorated and well presented accommodation is approached on the ground floor
through an entrance hall which leads to a sitting room with a multi fuel Aga stove and useful understairs cupboard, a study area with a useful store off and a farmhouse kitchen with a range of bespoke oak units with granite work surfaces over and a Rayburn cooker. To the first floor a landing gives access to three bedrooms and a bathroom. 

Outside, the property is approached up
a private cart track where there is a five bar gate giving access to the front of the house. There is a two storey barn adjoining the property with potential for further accommodation if so desired subject to any necessary consents and
permissions. The gardens enjoy a southerly facing aspect and provide private parking with raised beds and a terraced area beyond. Dry stone walls then
lead to the Croft where there is a pond adjoining the beck.

"tastefully decorated and well presented" ...hmm...well, not in my opinion but again, that matters not a fuck because i would change a good bit of it..

sort of like this:

pure fantasy. 

in reality that shit would be all jacked up with ikea and local junk shop fare. 

but it'd still be awesome and you'd be impressed.