design turd episode 7: who fucking cares

i think i would rather peel off my skin with a dull vegetable peeler than watch one more minute of this bullshit "design" show.  let alone recap it for you.

but i feel i must at least see it through.

some interesting information came to fruition this week.

we find out courtland is married.

yeah but, probably the same way corky st. clair was married to "bonnie" in waiting for guffman..

 

 

also..

my old boss john gidding graced us with his harvard architecturalness

he was filling in for mandice..

 

remember when he used to be on friends?

he said more than mandice.

that's about it.

oh...and he's prettier than genevieve.

here's some of his harvard architecture grad....architecture:

ugly neat, huh?

 

ok...so the turds had to design a kitchen for a sears photo shoot.

awesome, right??

yeah, except they had to base the design on a fucking basket of food.

yes, each team had to pick between french, tropical or italian.

no..really..LOOK:

french basket

 

italian basket

 

terrible basket

 

team 1: alex, michael and casey picked the french basket

team 2: courtland and emily picked the italian basket

terrible basket used for comedy purposes.

there was no terrible basket.

literally anyway.

 

big expectations for emily since she is a photo stylist and shit...

foreshadowing ya'll.

 

so then each turd had to pick one food item from each basket to serve as their personal inspiration.

emily chose garlic.

courtland chose parmesan cheese.

he couldn't wait to parmesan cheese up the wall, faux finish style.

pretty sure he got a boner for gidding a woman over it.

here is their finished kitchen:

and, no surprise, the losing kitchen.

cabinet choice color= terrible.

purple painted island= double terrible.

courtland's fauxnish= triple terrible

if this was supposed to be "old worldy" italian why not go with some old worldy tiles?

instead of the pale taupey white tiles?

and why not a painted cabinet?

and maybe some open shelving?

perhaps something like this?

 

over on the french basket team..

casey chose baguette.

michael chose escargot.

and alex chose the corkscrew.

here is their finished kitchen:

better. but still buttsucking.

the winner was casey bc the judges could see her baguette within the colors and textures.

i think she just got lucky bc bread just so happens to be white and beige.

i have no idea where the corkscrew or the escargot came into play.

but it is definitely the color of baguette!!!

in fact sears should just call this kitchen "the baguette kitchen".

as in...

sears person: oh...i see you are shopping for a kitchen...can i interest you in the baguette kitchen?

you: what do i look like, a fucking boring douchebag with zero design sense?

aaaaand scene.

 

so the bottom 2 were alex for his lack of corkscrew and emily bc apparently she should have styled the room better.

now it's up to the host reels.

both were cute.

emily was all self deprecating and humble.

alex was somewhat retarded-ish.

(but in a great retarded way, bc i love retarded people for they are awesome, smart and really really cool)

according to the judges emily's was cuter and more watchable.

although joey john thought it wasn't very cute of emily to make fun of stuff bc someone watching could see it and do it and then you, emily, just made them feel stupid!! way to go emily.

 

so alex goes home.

 

also i thought you should see some of vern's work.

in case you hadn't.

he is a judge after all...

oh..i'm sorry. i didn't see that you were eating.

at least now i know what to do with all of fiona's cut out snowflakes.

 

see ya next sunday fudge-packers.

 

 

 

more of this kitchen apartment place

i posted this place earlier.

some people were all...really? why?

while others wanted more of its awesomeness...

i think its important to point out that this place is no where near europe.  or the country..

but new york city.

for me the idea of this rustic, old worldy euro tiled copper potted country floorboarded place being in new york city is refreshing..

its NOT predictable.

thank you and good night.

hotter than your grandad's nutsack while storming the beaches of normandy...

 trust me when i say that i would be posting way more but the connection here is slower than kelly bensimon helping her kids do their homework...

anyway..behold superfamily at their awesome best..

 

fiona beach cuteness.

 

nana and fiona- spf:adorable

 

 

you: shitty shit those things are huge.

me: duh!

 

sleepin' and creepin'.

 

walking.

 

one of MFAMB's readers, katharine of southern bourbon mountains is like the official pawleys island superstar and told me i had to go get tiger butter fudge from the general store.

i did.

balls.

half of it was gone before we got it home.

chocolate peanut something on top, to the right of it is delicious tiger butter fat maker, then cookies and cream butt expander.

fuch you katharine fuchs

i have eaten my weight in tiger butter fudge.